Ten stops on your Intergalactic Guide to Taming the Foot Pain Beast:

1. Interrogate Your Feet: The gargantuan task of determining why your feet are moaning as if squished by an invisible sumo wrestler is key. Conditions like misfit shoes, obesity, pregnancy, passion for marathon running or the curse of Achilles (aka high arches or flat feet) can inflict pain.

2. It’s Bath Time, Feet: If a warm bath can knock out Godzilla from its rage trip, think of what it can do to your feet. Run hot water into a comfy basin. Let your feet bask like a couple of calmed sea lions in there for 5-10 minutes.

3. Stretch ‘em Out: Cramped muscles love a sinister game of spasms causing pain. Stretching is like a universal remote to halt this horror film. Add a dash of research, and you'll know that stretches are particularly cozy for plantar fasciitis, aka the evil heel pain demon.

4. Cast a Fortifying Spell: Shape your ankles, feet, and toes mighty. Playing Naked Twister could help.

5. Employ the Magic of Massage: Elixir in the form of oils or lotion lovingly rubbed into your feet is a relieving charm. Massaging the plantar fascia (read: the sinewy band cruising along your foot's arch) is an A+ weapon against heel aches.

6. Try Some Footwear Alchemy: If you have flat feet or pain in the ball of the foot, a full-length arch support might be your sorcerer’s stone. This tiny insert can absorb shocks that otherwise jolt your feet into discomfort.

7. Review Your Shoe Rack: A shoe that doesn't let your foot spread out comfortably is similar to an inept dance partner - it can cause footsie pain. It's your time Bippidi-Boppidi-Boo that shoe.

8. Handle Your Foot-life Crisis: Age, weight changes, pregnancy can modify what your footwear should look like. If there are new corns/calluses, it's time to deal with them.

9. Summon the Ancient Arts of Acupuncture: Acupuncture can alleviate foot pain (honestly, they aren't just for Instagram).

10. Consult the Wizard a.k.a. Healthcare Provider: If the sorcery is being difficult, or the discomfort is more consistent than your diet, find a healthcare provider to sort your gnarly foot issues.