Back in your primetime '40s and think you are immune to the ravages of time? Well, think again! A compelling study presented at the annual shindig of the American Society for Nutrition unveils a catastrophic and somewhat funny truth. It turns out that a health-conscious diet, fired up in your forties, can do more than combat lingering love handles – it could determine your quality of life in the ripe age of 70 and beyond.

Our scientific messiah is none other than the forthright Dr. Anne-Julie Tessier, a postdoctoral fellow at the Hogwarts of Public Health - Harvard T.H. Chan School. She and her team sifted through data from 1986 to 2016, charting more than 106,000 women who were at the start of the review, at least 39 years old with no chronic diseases hanging over their heads like the sword of Damocles.

Sit up and take notes because the women who stuck to a healthy diet from their fourth decade (you heard it right, the age of mom jeans and suburban bliss) were 43 to 84 percent more likely to be mentally and physically thriving at 70 than those who treated their bodies like a junkyard.

You may ask, "what does 'healthy aging' even mean?" Well, it was deemed as reaching the ripe old age of 70, while still being able to remember your pin number, climb a flight of stairs without panting like a dog, experience one or fewer depressive symptoms, and remain free from any disease until the end of the study.

Now, let's move past the scientific jargon and get to the nitty-gritty of nutrition. Our dear participants provided information about their eating habits every four years. As the study came to a close in 2016, diets rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, unsaturated fats, nuts, legumes, and low-fat dairy were the hallmarks of successful aging. So, it turns out your mom was right all along, vegetables are indeed your friends!

On the other hand, chowing down on trans fats, sodium, and processed meats was, shockingly, inversely beneficial. I mean, who would have thought that hot dogs and fries weren’t the secret to a vibrant old age?

But don't despair, according to the genius mind of Dr. Janna Assar, a diet rich in the good stuff can work magic in boosting your energy levels, improving your physical function, and removing the cobwebs from your cognitive clarity. The bonus part? It's never too late to hop on this bandwagon.

Assar points out, the benefits of a healthier diet can even put a vice grip on common chronic conditions like hypertension, type 2 diabetes, and high cholesterol. Now that's what we call "punching above your weight."

Dr. Tessier and her cookbook-wielding team explored eight different healthy eating plans. The climactic winner? The Alternative Healthy Eating Index, developed at Harvard. Adhering to this diet increased the odds of reaching a vibrant old age by a whopping 84 percent.

Still, the team’s findings hint at the importance of picking a diet that hits two birds with one stone - benefiting not just your health but also the environment. After all, just how self-satisfied can the phrase "meet less, plant more" make you feel?

While the study coincidentally did not delve into the duration of adherence to diets and its impact, or stare death in the face, the brilliant Dr. Tessier suggests future investigations could aim to unearth the effects of a sudden, late dietary U-turn.

So there you have it, folks, the secret to living long and prospering. No, it's not popping the blue pill or finding the holy grail, but simply eating smart while you still have the time, or hair, on your head. And remember, it's never too late to flip the script on your diet!