Bird flu is strutting the runway of American public health fears, with its second human shout-out and outbreaks sweeping our beloved egg and dairy producers. As this avian influencer flutters its viral feathers, warning cucoos resound about the dangers lurking in our runny egg soldiers and questionable dairy products.

Hopping aboard the healthy-hysteria train, the New Hampshire Department of Health and Human Services has issued a fact sheet to all the social-media-crazed health nuts out there. Are your eggs cooked enough to kill a rage-fueled virus if you’re unfortunate enough to crack one open? It advises the egg-loving public to ensure the yolks are firmer than an overzealous gym-goer's gluteus maximus.

Meanwhile, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA), playing the role of a cocktail-shaking health guru, suggests sticking with pasteurized eggs in raw or undercooked dishes, acting as a virus or bacteria hitman.

Oh, but wait, the plot thickens. The U.S. Department of Agriculture says we, the egg munching public, won’t catch bird flu from our breakfast scrambles. Infectious disease stud Stephen Rich, claiming that the risk from eggs is lower than the confidence level of any male encountering a kale smoothie, seems to wholeheartedly agree.

For those picturing every chicken drumstick as a secret viral agent, fear not. Properly cooking your poultry pummels any potential virus stowaways.

But what about when Bird Flu flirts with Bessie the Quirky Cow? The FDA has assured us that its on-point pasteurization process ensures no nasty surprise lurks within your daily dash of white stuff. Whether that hunky farm boy’s raw milk specialty cheese is a cause for concern remains to be seen.

While we all scurry about imagining tiny virus attacking our food, the culprits with feathers are still out there having a wild time. Texas found some fun-loving H5N1 bird-flu at a poultry plant owned by Cal-Maine Foods, the Usain Bolt of egg production. Michigan also joined the poultry pandemic party, pointing the dirty finger at Mother Nature’s perpetually pooping pest.

Let’s not forget the farm-favorite dairy cows, dealing with fevers, chunky and colorful milk, and looser udders. Sit back though, folks; the Agriculture Commissioner assures us that no funky milk has infiltrated our cereal bowls, and all affected liquid is dumped faster than that sketchy expired 'cleanse' juice in your fridge.

But before you write off your sunny-side-up breakfast for life, remember that these human cases make appearances as rare as a decent gluten-free pizza base. Stephen Rich says chill out – humans catching bird flu from Henny Penny is extremely unlikely. Keep calm, and scramble on!