Are you one among the approximately 20 million people in the United States juggling life with food allergies or caring for someone who does? Welcome to a life where normal social situations like dining out or arranging playdates feels akin to dodging landmines. A raft of studies shows that caregivers of kids with food allergies are prime candidates for a healthy side of anxiety with every meal.

Here's the rub, according to Jennifer LeBovidge, PhD, a psychologist from Boston Children's Hospital, the anxiety stemming from food allergies is not indicative of generalized anxiety disorder. The fear is more specific, more focused, more… gory. So how do you domesticate this wild beast of anxiety stalking your every meal?

Ironically, the answer is not to demonize anxiety - a primitive, built-in response to potential threats. In fact, a pinch of anxiety can act as the dash of necessary vigilance in your everyday allergy management stew. The plot thickens when anxiety transforms from companion to something menacing, causing people to avoid situations or activities unnecessarily out of fear.

Finding the golden balance between caution and debilitating anxiety, as it turns out, hinges on developing confidence in allergy management skills or what LeBovidge calls "adaptive vigilance." This could translate to carrying and knowing when to use an epinephrine shot, querying restaurants about allergen-safe options, or teaching your child to identify safe foods.

But why stop there? Precision is crucial, LeBovidge says, especially when it comes to estimating risk. Yes, there have been cases where smelling or touching peanuts could trigger reactions in people with extreme peanut allergies. But no, it's not the rule for most food allergies; it's the exception.

Anxiety, like a river, ebbs and flows. It peaks when food allergies first enter the picture. Certain milestones, like graduating preschool to kindergarten, can cause the tide to rise. Around eight or nine years of age, children with food allergies seem to grasp the true essence of the threat these innocuous-looking foods pose. Around the same age, they also start venturing out of their caregiver's protective orbit, which naturally spikes anxiety levels.

As children become more independent, it's essential for parents and caregivers to revisit the allergy management playbook so they feel secure navigating their food allergies solo. Consistency and routine, according to LeBovidge, are critical here. "It should be like looking both ways before crossing the street," she explains.

Parents and caregivers need to keep their own anxiety in check so as not to limit the child's independence unnecessarily. When anxiety becomes overwhelming or starts impacting behavior, mental health professionals with expertise in chronic illnesses or allergies can be sought for assistance.

Of course, managing food allergies can be particularly challenging for lower-income families without health insurance, who already face the dire predicament of procuring allergy-safe foods at higher prices. And let's not forget pregnant women with food allergies, whose fears around allergic reactions trigger another level of anxiety altogether.

Regardless of these challenges, having plans, and even backup plans to those plans, can alleviate the anxiety brewed by food allergies. Preparations for impromptu outings can include special treats so kids can join in safely without fretting about allergens. Dining out? Ask servers to note down your allergies and secure assurance from the chef. Concerned about accidental ingestion of an allergen? Equip yourself with an emergency management plan, and rest assured that you're prepared to tackle these situations.

Yes, accidents can happen. Takes the edge off almost anticipatory guilt, doesn't it? "The aim isn't to state 'My child can't have an allergic reaction'; it's to ensure that they can manage it if one occurs," says Nancy Rotter, PhD, director of psychological services at the Food Allergy Center at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston.

Indeed, managing food allergies, like life, is a balancing act between safety and living freely.