Think of the alkaline diet as the overconfident frat boy of the nutrition world; full of promises, fancily dressed, yet oddly unconvincing. Yes, it woos you with the allure of being high on veggies and low on processed junk, but beware - it also low-key tries to suggest that it can control something as scientific as the acidity of your blood. While gnawing on every form of plant life is certainly a health win, treating the alkaline diet as a pH peacemaker for your blood is a bit like expecting vodka to cure your dehydration.

Understanding the alkaline diet demands a brief crash course in acidity. Imagine a popularity scale from 0 to 14 (where 0 is the total buzzkill). Anything with a score 7 or higher is the life of the party - aka, alkaline. The alkaline diet struts around claiming to be the DJ adjusting your body's vibe, but your body, the real MVP, maintains a pH score of 7.35–7.45 no matter how many carrots you guzzle down. Your body, with its different organs keeping funkily diverse pH levels, truly is the master of its own house party.

This diet has convinced some that it's a cancer-beating, weight-shredding, health wonder. Unfortunately, as charismatic as this Romeo seems, there's not much scientific evidence that the alkaline diet does anything more than a well-balanced diet would. Sure, the flock that followed this diet in a 2023 study reported weight loss and better physical performance. But the healthy side effects can more than likely be attributed to the diet's emphasis on unprocessed foods and daily servings of fruits and vegetables.

An alkaline diet is like going green - literally and in all the wrong ways. You might notice changes in the acidity of your urine or saliva (remember, we're savvy; we know it's because they're getting rid of body waste). But, your overall body pH remains unimpressed, static, and unregulated by all the salads you're munching.

Yes, the alkaline diet stripes your plate of meat, most grains, eggs, and dairy. Doesn't sound all that fun, right? This could lead to you missing some essential nutrients that your body needs to function optimally.

In conclusion, my dear health rebels, unless your medic advises otherwise, going extreme with this alkaline thing might not be wise. Get yourself a common-sense diet with a healthy mix of fruits, veggies, whole grains, and lean proteins. You are what you eat, so why not be deliciously balanced over riotously rebellious any day?